You met me at a strange time in my life..

Every flower blooms for a unspecific duration ,wilts , seeds and regrows. Wash,rinse , repeat. Yet, it is that moment it flowers, it is what we live for ;the unknown,unspecified bloom.

I suppose knowing when those moments in life occurs ,are those worth making the most of ;carpe diem as they say , yet knowing that in a fleeting instance ,it may not have existed at all. 

We are all Running

.. from something , from someone , you past perhaps?

Time is funny, not in the comical, humorous kind of way, but rather , intriguing and peculiar way.

The alarm clock goes off. I've been asleep, for what seems to be an eternity. How many hours has it been? My eyes struggle in the intense morning rays that soak the room , as they focus from the haze, it catches the radio clock on the bedside table . It shows half past 6. 

"Fuck." , I mutter to myself.

What does half past 6  signify, I cannot help but wonder. It's always 6:30 when I wake, too often for it to  be a random occurrence, or just coincidental.At least I know there's a trend, but why, I cannot say.  Will I ever discover the meaning behind it? I can't say for certain, but I do intent to find out. I need to find out, with every passing day, I feel as if I'm losing myself.

Every passing day, a part of me is lost , unsure, it feels as.. as if I am running again, but from what? Why won't the dreams stop, I am tired. Could they be demons from my past coming to haunt me? I am unsure, unsure of everything. 

Waiting for a Train.

"Time-Hans Zimmer"

I stare blankly at the clock
It does the same back at me
Life draws by
As the seconds tick by
Seconds to minutes
Minutes to hours
Time could be irrelevant
though it is not
I watch Time fly
Maybe,Time watches I.

Cheerio

& who knew it could be so hard

Gratitude is the
hardest of all emotions to
express.
There is no
word
capable
of conveying
all that one
feels.
Until we reach
a world where
thoughts can be
adequately
expressed
in
words
"thank you"
will have to do.

A.P.Gouthey

I guess it's just Me this time.

­I woke up,mid-afternoon.It was a typical Sunday afternoon,sun high in the sky, birds chirping and the ice cream vendor at the corner of the street tending to the children from the park nearby.

I couldn’t tell if i were in reality or still in my sub-conscience,life is cruel that way.My mind constantly pulls such tricks on myself where I’d read something or see someone,but only to awake later in my bed to find no such occurance.The mind can’t differentiates between the both.

A knock on the door startles me and the oak coloured door springs open with my mum standing by the door frame.

“Do you know what time it is now?” mum says rather displeased.

“I was just having a nap mumm” I say with a scratchy voice as if I’ve slept longer than I should have. “Your friends outside waiting for you.” She continues,in a more relaxed tone.

“What friend?” I asked as mum walked away to return to tend to house chores.

I always wondered why mum never bothered hiring a maid,it’s not like we couldn’t afford it neither was the house any small for that matter.We stayed in the penthouse of Skylight Residents,which overlooked the city.It was a 4 bedroom condominium, which however,only 2 were occupied by mum and myself.The condominium was of modern design,everything was simple yet very elegant which a mixture of wood and polished metal finish.

I came out of my room,barely conscious to my surrounding and I saw my “friend” sitting by the baige coloured couch reading the daily newspaper.

“Surprised to see me?” he said

“No shit Sherlock!” I replied sarcastically.

“What are you doing here?! I am not your friend!” I continued,rather annoyed.

“Lets go for a drive,you’ll understand.” He said awfully calm.

I looked around,slightly confused by the chain of events,my mum wasn’t in it seemed.She was the one who’d get me out of things I didn’t want to do,and of all times,my mum wasn’t here when I needed her the most.I unwillingly reached for my leather jacket and headed out into the lift.The normal trip down those 30 floors seemed forever with him there in the lift.Not only was it awkward,but I didn’t have the slightest idea of his sudden reappearance in my life.

His car was parked up front in the porch.It was a metallic silver Audi R8,a car,way out of his paycheck could even afford.

“Did you rob a bank or some shit?” I said,jokingly.

“Infact,I did” He said,cooly.

“But that’s not the point.” He continues before I could interrupt.

We took a long drive along the coast, with rocky mountain face facing towards the pacific ocean,scenic as it is,the drive was not a pleasant one.Besides the music playing from the radio,the background noise from the wind and friction between the tyres and the road,there was absolute silence in the car.Not a word was uttered until we reached our destination,which was about an hour drive from where I lived.

Our destination,which I found out later,was Cove beach.It was a 5 mile stretch of un-commercialized beach front.The sand golden from the glare caught off the still blazing sun,so fine it felt like silk to the touch.The ocean was a deep turquoise blue,clear enough to see the bottom of the warm pacific water.I inhaled deeply the sea breeze,as I soaked in the sight.I’ve been to this beach more than once and it never does get old.

“In life,you are force to make decisions you thought you’d never have to make” he said out of the blue.

“The world will not stop for your grief, it will not wait.” he continued.

“Remember,that everything you do has its consequences, and whether you like it or not,you’ll have to live with it.” he said before I could interrupt

“Your past makes you who you are today, it does not define you for who you could be in future.”

“You know what the right thing to do is. Go for the woman worth marrying.” He calmly said to me sending a chill up my spine.

“Life is about taking chances and risks.” He said after a short pause.

He turned around,my back facing his.As I turn around,he was nowhere to be seen.He had disappeared.His car was no longer where it was parked.I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, and the next thing I knew I awoke in bed back home.I reached across the bed to check the time, 6am it showed. “fuck this” I muttered under my breathe and went back to sleep.

Cheerio


P.s. This was based on a dream.

Despair

Do you know that word?
You probably would,wouldn't you?

What happens when you have a sudden craving at 12am.A sudden craving for a drink so good,it'll blow your mind to oblivion.

What do you do? Where do you go.

Well,you go to Tesco at 12am and it's open.You walk around looking for your heavenly drink for 5 minutes.You walk up and down to soft drink isle looking for that very drink that will make you wish life tasted so good.

And you don't see it,you walk around the whole Tesco looking for the fridges and to your dismay there isn't anything but the good ol' black stuff.Then you remember you saw a create of that very same drink you're looking for lying in that very soft drink isle.

You take a brisk walk and notice it unopen.You see a staff and and demand,with a face so serious he'd think you'd kill him if he didn't, that he open it and give you 2 bottles.


And thats what I did when I had a sudden craving at 12 am.
by the way,that drink is mountain dew.

Cheerio.

Valium Skies

Reflections

cheerio

Some Fresh Perspective.

Let me tell you a story,true or not,thats up to you to decide.

It began ,in the not too distant future,not so far from now.It was like every day,get back from Uni,take a shower,eat,assignments and sleep.This became some sort of a routine,waking up to no expections,no anomalies. Being happy was one thing,being genuinely happy was another,back in Uni,everyone had a smile as if life was good.

Life wasn't good,it was bearable,everyone has tutorials,test,exams,quizzes,classes,assignments and between that balancing social life and the whats.Everyone had problems,and all of them dealt with their problems differently,there were those than smoked either some fags or joints,some exercised,some played computer games,some took out their frustration breaking stuff and there were of course those whom would self inflict pain to get away from it all.There also those who would just run,for how long,no one knew.

_________________________________________________________
i give up,don't feel like writing anymore






cheerio.

I don't want to Forget.

Tonight was like every other night,wishing I'd see you in my dreams.Your appearances in my dreams always gave me a sense of belonging when I awoke.Every other night,I'd think of you for 30 seconds or so,i was told it helps to dream of a particular thing.Tonight however,I gave up trying because every other time I tried I never did dream of you.

You came by the house,you never did unless it was of great importance.I invited you in,still puzzled by your impromptu visit. "I'm leaving for Singapore" there was a slight pause "and not coming back".We talked for a very long time and you told me you had to leave.Your 2 friends were waiting for you,I didn't recognized them but you told me they were going to go to Singapore with you.You had an letter envelop in your hand,it was the kind we used when we wrote to each other.I didn't question it's contents neither did I ask about it's existence.You were reluctant to leave,your friends probably knew the better half of your visit. "Look,you can stay a few days at his place,we'll cover for you.Promise me...us you'll me fine" and she did and gratefully hugged them goodbye.You stayed a few days until you finally had to go.I hugged you goodbye,it didn't feel like forever,it didn't feel brief either.This time round,I didn't notice the envelop.As soon as you left,I searched high and low but ended in dismay.

A tangle of confusion,thats the last thing I remember.I didn't know how to find you,didn't know how to contact you.Who were those 2 friends?I had so many questions,questions remained to be unanswered for the rest of my life.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I didn't want to forget,I tried hard to remember throughout the day trying hard to hold on to every inch of detail.I didn't realize how hard it was to write this one until I really did,but i tried to but in words as best as I could.I blame the fact that I am having writers block but desperate to write this before my mind gets the better of me.come to think of it,my dreams were nearly always about you.Funny isn't it?






cheerio.

They told me.I didn't Listen & now I drown in my own mistakes.

Sometimes i wish i could post more personal things on a blog,but then again it's so public that isn't possible.

On a totally random note,i realize my life can be turn into those movies minus the happy ever after ending.haha









Cheerio

Once Upon a time

I once knew a girl
She told me the times would stay the same
She said we'd never change
We got older
I should've known
She left & I stayed
Soon there was only I
I felt colder when I walk Alone
The silence wasn't that bad
until I look at my hand and feel sad
cause the spaces between my fingers
were where hers fit perfectly
I go to that tree we'd watch the sky turn light-blue
to see the vanilla twilight
But it isn't the same without her
I'd make her a postcard
To show her that time hadn't change
cause I wish she were here with me
But that was me and her
it's just me
cause she lied
when she said we wouldn't change
we grew older
and i should've known
we'd change
Once upon indeed

Stupid xanga wouldn't let me sign in.And urhm,yeah.








cheerio.
p.s. this is 50% original

If time weren't so precious.

Somethings in Life I realise too late.

Cheerio.

You make me smile.

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh you make me smile
But you can never be mine

cheerio.

When I close my Eyes.

I hate people making assumptions from the things they read online.Nuf said.

Cheerio.

The mistakes I made,

I look out of the window

into the deep dark spaces of infinity
I look into this window
of infinite spaces
I see me
All the wrongs
Looking back at Me.
I bare not to see
to see the wrong looking
back at me
Blinking and rubbing
all i see
is Me.

Cheerio.
p.s.happy suyen?

I.

I wake up
to the sun & and the birds
I look left
I look right
I look up
gazing into the deep blue sky
I stop
I stare
Darkest closing in
you're here
you're there
Never showing.
I weep
I cry
Shiny pearls fall.
They break
They Shatter
Never ending

This time & this time only.

I walk down the path of unknown.

Cheerio.

When the Dust settles.

6 picture of the 6 folder. ;-).
She was my date to our schools "prom" aka graduation dinner.happy?

Cheerio.

Under the Sky,the Rain falls.

It's from the plain where We overlook beauty.

Cheerio.

When Your World comes Crashing down.

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